Gonzo's Worst Enemy
by Akki45
Summary: Gonzo's worst fears are realized as Tetra finds her vice. Oneshot. Way after WW and PH. Rated for very mild language, alcohol and suggestive theme.


Disclaimer: I don't own, have or claim any rights to Nintendo, it's franchises or affiliates. The same applies to Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean.

Inspired by "pervy zelda comic" by wobbufan on . http:// wobbuffan. deviantart. com/art/ pervy-zelda-comic-106007453 (take out spaces. Don't worry, it's not that perverted.)

Important note: This is set many years after WW and PH. I'm thinking Link and Tetra are about 18. This ignores the recent announcement and speculation about Spirit Tracks.

**Gonzo's Worst Enemy**

Akki45 / Silverfeonix

"Oh no, she found it."

"Found what?"

"You know, _it."_

"What's _it_?"

"Gah, Niko! You know, the rum." Gonzo said, whispering the last word.

"Oh no, this is bad."

"No joke. Do you remember the last time she got into the rum?" Niko and Gonzo both shuddered.

"Why do we even keep it on board?"

"Umm....." Gonzo was searching the depths of his mind... Of course, that wasn't saying much. "Because we're pirates! Pirates gotta have rum!" he said, proud of his answer.

"So, why can't we be the first dry pirates?" the young pirate asked.

"That's... That's just not done!"

"But our captain is... Uh, how to say this delicately... She can't handle her rum."

"True... Oh well, we ought to just hide it better."

"You mean, like not having the word 'RUM' printed in huge letters on the crate?"

"Yeah..." Gonzo wasn't sure why no one hod thought of that before.

"Hey, Link! How's she doing?" Niko called up to the main deck.

"Umm... Aside from swinging around on a rope and singing something about 'really bad eggs,' she's perfectly fine." Link called back down. Link sighed as he tried to coax her down from the mast. She was bound to fall and hurt herself. Not even the most hardcore pirate could stand on the crow's nest railing with that much rum in their system.

"Tetra, for the love of all that is holy, come down from there!"

"No! We must sail where the wind will take us! Bring me that horizon!"

"Tetra, I control the wind and the horizon isn't an actual object."

"Don't question your captain! I ought to make you walk the plank and feed you to the fishes! I'll send you to Davy Jones' locker! I'll strand you on a deserted island and you'll have to find your way back on the backs of sea turtles tied together with rope made of your own hair! I'll...."

"Tetra! You've been watching Pirates of the Caribbean again haven't you?"

"Aye! All three in one sitting with one whole bottle!" she declared proudly as she jumped of the crow's nest on a rope and started swinging around madly. Link sighed.

Alright Tetra, I didn't want to do this but you've left me no choice." Link took out his bow and arrows, carefully watch his captain's pattern, calculated her trajectory, aimed and fired. The arrow split the rope sending the captain fling towards Link. He nonchalantly stepped aside and put out his arms at just the right moment. He smirked as his bewildered captain looked up at him from his arms. His smirk quickly faded as said captain started turning a bit green. He set her on her wobbly feet just in time.

"How about we put some gentle food in you and put you to bed?" he asked as he held her hair out of the way. When she had finished dumping what little she she had in her stomach, she nodded.

The next morning, rather late in the morning, Link went to check on Tetra. Gonzo, Niko and all the other pirates watched him go with looks on their faces that would be perfect for a funeral. Those somber faces quickly changed to laughing as Link ran as far away from the captain's quarters as fast he could. Books, charts, pens and ink pots along with whatever else lay in her quarters flew after the retreating Link.

"We warned you. Tetra plus a hangover equals baaad news for us. You just happen to be the poor unwitting soul who let light into her room." said Senza, a particularly large pirate.

"You so didn't warn me. You just let me walk in right in there!" Link shuddered at the remembrance of the wrath of Tetra.

"LINK! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, NOW!!!" came Tetra's yell.

Link went pale. He prayed to any and every deity he knew of before walking to his doom. The pirates simply waved to him. They knew that Tetra wouldn't kill him, but she would damn sure try.

"Say, Niko, did you notice that another bottle of rum went missing?"

"Yeah, I just assumed Link grabbed it on his way in to Tetra's room. Poor man definitely needs it."

"Hehe, poor guy is getting tortured right about now." Gonzo smirked. He was always big but he was actually only a few years older than Link and Tetra. He definitely had a thing for Tetra and always had ever since Tetra's mother brought him on board. He was very protective of her and saw Link as a threat.

"So, Gonzo..." one of the smaller pirates started, "Link's the one being torturedm right?"

"Yep." Gonzo answered merrily.

"So why is she the doing all the screaming?"

"WHAT?!? If that little shrimp dares to hurt Miss Tetra. I will rip him into shreds! I'll..." He kept going on as he went below decks and towards the captain's quarters.

"Umm... those don't sound like screams of pain to me..." Niko said to the smaller pirate.

"No, they aren't. I just wanted Gonzo to get off his pointless crush on Miss Tetra."

"You mean, Link and Tetra are..." Niko didn't finish that sentence as Gonzo walked back to the main deck. He was pale and his step was slow. Senza and another pirate went to comfort the heartbroken man.

"Apparently when you drink while hungover, you get drunker... and... and..." Gonzo broke out sobbing.

"Guys, we have another problem. Now they're both drunk... and on deck... and Link forgot to put on his clothes.." The entire crew decided it was for the best if they all hid in the storage bay for the remainder of that weird day.


End file.
